If you are one of the many Westerners who harbor the myth that most or all Russian women are desperate to leave their country or want a green card, then please read my article below and consider the
twelve points that I make which prove that it to be a narrow-minded egocentric American myth. These points are based on my experiences of being 6 months in Russia, visiting 9 cities, and meeting hundreds of people
Read more articles by Winston Wu on his website
Twelve Reasons Why Russian Women Are NOT Desperate To Leave Their Country
By Winston Wu
This article addresses a myth that comes up often during discussions about Russian women. Many ignorant Westerners
(who have never been to Russia obviously) believe that most women in Russia are desperate to leave their country and get a green card to America, or they pose that as the explanation for why Russian women treat us men so much better and are more open and friendly than their Western counterparts. This myth is especially common among feminists and arrogant men. These people make snap judgments about something they know nothing about. However, this common myth is completely wrong, and I will demonstrate this from every factual angle.
Allow me to elaborate.
Before I begin though, remember that Americans are not the standard to compare the rest of the world
by. Just because people in other countries are different from here doesn't mean that they must have ulterior motives. Why can't people be naturally different or have different attitudes and behaviors without having ulterior motives or something fishy up their sleeve?
Furthermore, American women are not the default standard set by God for how all women should be, and thank goodness for that too. America is a strong capitalistic country with values that encourage individualism and selfishness. Therefore, countries which have a different social/economic system and values, are obviously going to cultivate different kinds of people. It is as simple as that. To expect otherwise would be unrealistic.
So here are my 12 reasons why Russian
women are NOT desperate to leave their country:
1. First of all, the simple fact of reality is that most women in Russia are
NOT trying to leave their country to live abroad.
In fact, most people in any country are not trying to leave
it. Through the many diverse Russian women I've met and interacted with in 9 cities over 6 months, here is what I've learned.
The average Russian woman loves to travel to other countries due to their love of foreign culture, curiosity, and sense of adventure.
But they are not looking to move abroad permanently. It is rare to find one who has a sole purpose of moving abroad.
Now, let me tell you this. I've met about 115 women in Russia. Out of them all, only ONE of them is eager to move to America (or perhaps Italy, she says). That's ONE out of 115! Do you really think that 1 out of 115 constitutes a majority?
LOL I hope that you realize how silly this myth that you harbor is now!
In fact, the percentage of the female population in Russia who belong to marriage agencies is far less than one percent of the
population. According to the statistics on the Myths section of Elena's site
(http://www.womenrussia.com/myths.htm) the percentage of the women in Russia affiliated with marriage agencies looking for foreign men is about 0.13 percent of the total population. That's almost a tenth of one percent! Such a stat is only an estimate of course, but the point is that the women looking to leave their country for good is a very small percentage of the whole, contrary to what many Americans believe and what our media likes to perpetuate.
Those that are considering moving abroad are not usually desperate to do so anyway. It is extremely rare to find a person in Russia who is desperate to leave their country, but as always, those who are are,
are the ones who make the news, hence getting attention which contributes to this myth. As a matter of fact, many women who join internet marriage agencies are not even willing to leave their country, but are just
scammers without serious intentions who get a high off of having men come and spend money on them, wine and dine them, etc. And among the sincere women in marriage agencies, they are usually
just considering it as an option, not basing all their hopes on it. Their view is that they would consider moving abroad for the right man that they fall in love with, but relocating is not their primary objective.
Finding the right man for them is.
And even among these few who want to relocate, most of them prefer Europe rather than America because:
(1) the proximity is more convenient to allow them to come back to visit their families, and
(2) European culture is closer and more compatible to Russian culture.
(On a side note, I have melded and adjusted to Russian culture before, and I can tell you that Russian culture in general is not compatible with American culture, and neither are most European cultures. Hence there are very few Russian/European immigrants to America compared to Asian and Hispanic immigrants. However, Russian culture is compatible and complementary to most European cultures, and that is why the transition between them is smooth and pleasant, which I know from experience, whereas the transition from Russian culture to American is very psychologically painful, disruptive and disturbing in many ways.)
This myth began as a rant started by feminists to defend their pride against the tide of Western men who are looking for women abroad, painting the men as desperate losers and the foreign women as conniving users who want a green card. The media further perpetuated it to appease these feminists, whom are the main audience for their advertisers. Besides this, our media's other purpose is to motivate you to get up and go to work or school everyday to keep our economy/society productive. One of the ways of doing this is to make you think that other people are worse off than you and would give anything to be in your shoes. And of course, bad news sells better for the media and its advertisers, since people like to believe that others are worse off than they are and would give anything to be in their shoes, to keep themselves motivated in their current situation in life.
To get an idea of how Russian people's views, check out these interviews with everyday people there at this site. You will see that almost none of them are trying to leave their
Now, here is a question for the Westerners out there who believe in this myth. I have heard that in Saudi Arabia, the natives see Americans there who came on a spiritual pilgrimage to Mecca, which they consider the spiritual center of the world. This leads them to assume that most Americans must be desperate to leave their country to come to Saudi Arabia and Mecca. After all, that's what they see happening around them. Now, let me ask you this. Are they right that most Americans are trying to leave their country to find salvation in Saudi Arabia? Is that what they would find if they came here? If not, then
why not? After all, that's what they see going on in their country. They are doing the same thing you do, looking around their immediate surroundings and making snap judgments. You see a few Russians around you in your country, hear stories on your news, etc. and assume that most Russians want to come to your country. Therefore, their reasoning process is no different than yours. Do you see how faulty and narrow your myth is? Now you should understand what I've discovered in Russia, which is that
people in general there are not desperate to leave their country at
all, which is what Saudi Arabians would discover about America if they came here.
In fact, there's really no such thing as a "Russian mail order bride" anymore than there is a Santa Claus. You cannot just go online and "order" a wife or bride. That denigrating term and concept was created by our media for political and social reasons to help foster patriotism and appease a feminist audience. You can read about this in more detail at:
Also check out the FAQ's and misconceptions section of:
Sorry folks, but the truth is, in real life you can't "buy" or "order" a bride from
Russia, contrary to the fictional concept created by our media. Those marriage/introduction/dating agencies out there simply allow you
to purchase their
women's contact information, not sell away their individual rights. You've still got to win their hearts or attraction to you. Of course, there are prostitutes in Russia that you can buy for a while, but these internet marriage/dating agencies are not in that kind of business. They are either legit, or else they are a scam to take your money without offering you
something real. But in either case, they are NOT letting you buy or order actual women to be brides. Of course, these agencies all have their share of gold diggers, visa whores, and leisure snoochers, but they have many quality women who are not like that at all.
2. Second, as I mentioned above, most of the women that are in those online marriage agencies are not there for the sole purpose of getting out the country.
They are there because there is a shortage of good men in their country who behave decently and can financially provide for them (see the next point on surpluses and shortages) and they want to see if they can meet such a man for them.
IF they meet that right man, THEN they will consider relocating to his country if he wishes. But their main objective is
NOT to get out of their country!
Now, if you want to claim that some of these Russian women want a foreign man because he has more money and is a better provider, that may be a factor, but you've also got to ask yourself, how is that any different from an American woman (or any woman for that matter) who wants a serious partner who is financially stable so he will be a good provider for the family? Such double standards are too prevalent in our society. Motives are not mutually exclusive, contrary to what ignorant people who don't like to think, want to believe. It is strange that many Americans sometimes assume that there must be only one motive to every action.
Even with the ones that want to leave their country, at least
they want to leave with someone they love and is COMPATIBLE with them, not just anybody!
Just because someone wants a foreign mate doesn't mean they'll take anyone! Common sense should tell you that. After all, if an American woman wanted to have children and raise a family, do you think she will just marry anyone who could give her that? No, of course not. She would want the right person for her and her future, someone compatible with her, with the qualities that she desires, who could capture her heart, and provide for her. So would you say then that her ONLY motive for being with any man was just to use him? Obviously not. So why would it be any different for a Russian woman who wanted to marry a foreigner? People are so quick to believe the worst about others, which is sad because it marks a sign of a dysfunctional psyche.
3. Third, in Russia there is a big surplus of attractive mentally healthy single women, rather than a shortage like in the US.
In the US there is a surplus of nice good single men and a shortage of nice attractive mentally healthy single women. As a result, even the less attractive women in the US can afford to become pickier, and good single American men can easily have trouble finding available decent women. Just go to any bar or nightclub in the US and you'll see that usually the men outnumber the women. And even the unattractive women in those places seem like princesses to the surplus of disgruntled chumps there. It's a really pathetic scene for the nice guy.
On the other hand, in Russia and some other countries, there is a big surplus of attractive, friendly, mentally healthy single women with good values. And there's a shortage of nice, non-alcoholic single men there with decent money and values. That's why the conditions there greatly favor the American man. And it's another reason why many attractive single women in Russia are so friendly to me.
4. Fourth, the women in Russia are naturally communicative, curious, and intellectual.
They typically have a wide variety of interests too. Therefore, they are obviously going to be naturally outgoing and communicative with me out of sheer curiosity if nothing else.
5. Fifth, I can tell you from experience that overt friendliness and hospitality is
an integral part of Russian culture.
As my friend Masha told me after my first 6 week trip to Russia:
"I don't think that Russians treated you so well only to your being a rich,
Hospitality is an integral part of Russian character, and you can see it during travelling by trains when people in one compartment became good friends, spending together not much time and treating each other with their food. On my way to Izhevsk, I was in one compartment with an old woman and spent 2 days together and she told me about all her life since her childhood and when she got off the
train (but earlier than I) she introduced me to all her relatives who came to meet her at the station. So, don't think that you was met good only due to your been a foreigner, rich foreigner, may be, you can't understand why they did so, and I can't
explain - it's Russian character, if you'll come to Russia again and live for a while, may be then you will understand and even feel why."
Well, she was right. After 6 months in Russia the second time, I experienced what she meant. I definitely felt the hospitality and friendliness that was an integral part of Russian culture and soul. It is something that exists naturally, straight from the depths of people's souls, without agenda or motive. And it's sad that many Americans cannot fathom such a concept that's above their heads, since in our western materialistic individualistic society, actions almost always have motives and agendas. That says sad things about what our society, though economically prosperous, has become. Our mistaken mentality is that just because we tend to be agenda-driven, does not mean other people are too.
6. Sixth, Russian women come from a different economic/social system than ours, which give them a different mentality and social attitude than us.
Our country is based on a strong capitalistic system that is Darwinistic in nature and fosters individualism. Competition is the basis of our culture and economy, and therefore becomes our mentality as well. This means that people either have money, or they are striving to be better than everyone else.
This competitive mentality eventually leads us to become more "stuck up" toward others than we would otherwise be. We evaluate others in terms of their worth, and compare ourselves to them. This creates a rivalry mentality that leads fellow human beings in our country to see each other as opponents or adversaries. And sadly enough, having a lot of money and material possessions changes your attitude toward others, making you more spoiled and "stuck up".
On the other hand, countries like Russia are accustomed to a socialistic system that is less individualistic and competitive in nature.
Therefore, people's mentality and attitude are going to be different obviously. In poor countries, people don't have as much money and material possessions, so therefore they are not so spoiled and "stuck up" as people in capitalist countries.
What they lack in material assets, they make up for in personality and soulfulness.
It's a simple trade-off here. In the US, it's vice versa of course. Therefore, it is not realistic to expect them to be the same as us
(and thank goodness for that). And that's one reason why in Russia people in general
are more open and friendly.
Therefore, the major factor in why Russian women are so much friendlier and open has to do with the economic/social system they live under and the mentality it
produces, and not because they are desperate to leave their country.
7. Seventh, women in Russia have a natural admiration for men,
as long as they are good, decent, kind, and have good character.
They do not have the deep rooted hatred for men that American women have who were brought up with
it by their mothers, peers, and feminist media. Any sane man would obviously prefer to be around the former than the latter, since obviously the former brings out the best in men while the latter brings out the worst in them.
Nowadays in America many women seem to have a deep-rooted subconscious hatred of men. Even if they like a man at first, they seem to look for excuses or ways to hate him later, even going so far as making stuff up, fabricating reasons, or manipulating facts. It seems like some kind of psychosis or control drama, and unfortunately is a disturbing pattern among many American women that is widely reported (not in the national media though). Every man's nightmare in America is seeing his woman whom he thought loved him, suddenly becoming cold, cruel, and flaky. It's a very creepy and shocking experience, but it's now a common problem in the Western world, for some reason.
In fact, all the foreign people I've met in my travels seem to either have a negative opinion of American women, or else they've heard nothing but negative things about them. Now, do you think that's a pure coincidence? Do you think that's due to no fault of the American women? Do you think this international reputation of women in America is the result of "evil American men" (sarcastic)? lol What does common sense tell you?
8. Eighth, there are many American man/Russian woman couples who live together
I have met some of them too. If the Russian
women in these couples were desperate to leave their country, then why would they choose to stay in Russia? Some of the men in these couples told me that their Russian wife/girlfriend preferred to stay in Russia, and so they stayed with them.
9. Ninth, the Russian women I met who weren't seeking relations with foreign men didn't treat me
any less better than those who did.
They were willing to spend time with me, and get to know me or date me. The same goes for those who didn't have a romantic interest and just wanted to be friends.
10. Tenth, if they were desperate and saw me as a ticket out of Russia, why would some
dump me if they didn't think we were compatible?
And why didn't I get a 100 percent response rate from the ones I wrote, if it didn't matter who wrote to them, only that he could take them out of their country?
11. Eleventh, here is another good point made on an internet article I read that I didn't consider before.
It made sense and is another factor at work here, so let me quote
"The truth of the matter is, that the percentage of Russian women who are looking for their "soul mates" through the internet is no greater than the percentage of women from western countries such as England, Canada, Australia and the United States who are searching the Internet for their future spouse!!!!
Here is an interesting tidbit: With the population of Russia at approximately 170 million people as compared to the United State's population of more than 250 million people, why is it that you don't see as many dating agencies from other countries?
The answer, is a simple one... CHOICE!!!
Women, from the USA and most other Western Nations have choices to use or not to use the services of a dating agency. Almost all women from western countries have computers at home or at work. The Internet services in most of these countries are ridiculously low when compared with the cost of the same services in Russia.
Only a few very big Russian cities such as Moscow and St. Petersburg have Internet services that are more or less affordable for an average person. Russia is a huge country, with its eleven time zones from East To West and is just now establishing Internet services. It is only within the last three or four years that the Internet service providers have begun to take hold within Russia and the fees for their monthly services are out of reach to most Russian citizens. It is not uncommon for most Internet services to cost $100.00 or more, a month. With the average salary, for example, for a Russian doctor being around a $100.00, it is a luxury few citizens can afford. But, we are talking about a single woman or a one-parent household.
Do you think that the average American single mother could afford this kind of money for Internet services? So, this is the reason why you see so many Russian dating agencies! Russian women HAVE TO USE their service!"
12. Twelfth and finally, despite all of the above, the bottom line here is that
women in Russia are almost 100 percent APPROACHABLE!
That is the reality, regardless of the reasons for it.
Whether they feel like meeting you or not (and often they do), and whether they like you or not, at least they are completely APPROACHABLE!
In contrast, in the US, when you try to approach and meet a girl you find attractive but don't know, it always feels awkward like you are doing something you aren't supposed to be doing. You also feel like you are doing something which could get you in trouble and damage your reputation, making you look like a dangerous creep. This is true even if the American girl is actually friendly and sociable. Therefore, in the states, in order to try to meet women, you always have to try to conquer that awkward feeling that tells you that you aren't supposed to be approaching or hitting on women because it violates them and makes you look like a creep. It's a constant uphill battle that really sucks and shouldn't be that way.
By the way, Russian women are not only approachable to me because I am a foreigner or because they want something from me. It's how they naturally are.
They are that way to Russian men too.
So it's not really about me, but about
THEM! I try to keep them as the focus, but my critics tend to prefer to focus on finding fault with
me instead. How convenient.
Testing my claims from your home.
You might think that in order to test my claims above, you would have to go to Russia yourself.
You could do that of course, but I have a simpler way for you to do it right from home. And no, it doesn't involve looking for Russian women in your local home town either.
(After all, would you try to learn what black people are like in Africa from black people in
Rather, it involves contacting average ordinary Russian women on a pen pals site designed for friendship and exchange of cultures. Remember that since this is not a marriage agency or dating site, you will almost never find scammers or conniving gold diggers on it. Therefore, the Russian women from this site are much more representative of the average typical females in their country. Here is the link:
Now select "Russia" from the countries menu and click on the "Search" button to get the full results. About 500 results will be found, mostly from Russian women. You can write the ones you find interesting individually, or just send them all a mass form letter to save time. Many will write you back and from their letters and words, you can get a glimpse of the traits and qualities in them that I describe in this essay.
But most importantly, to test my main claim here that they aren't desperate to leave their country, you can poll them or ask their opinion about moving to America. You find that you will be lucky to find even one in a hundred among them who is seeking to move permanently to America. Try it and you'll see what I mean. It will definitely show this myth to be in vain after all.
The people making these rash statements about Russian women being desperate to leave their country have never even been to Russia.
No one who has spent extensive time there thinks that people there are desperate to leave their country.
Most Russians are very proud of their country and culture, and it shows in their traditions, architecture, music, holidays, vibes, etc.
From what I've learned, the reasons why Russian women treat me better and give me much more attention are:
1) They are NATURALLY friendlier and more open than women in the West. As mentioned above, they lived under a different economic/societal system than ours that didn't cultivate a competitive selfish mentality in them like ours does. And as we all know, people from poorer countries are less spoiled and selfish too. They make up in personality and soulfulness what they lack in material possessions.
2) As already mentioned, women in Russia are almost 100 percent APPROACHABLE by nature, both to foreigners and locals, whether they like you or not
(which further debunks the myth that their friendliness is a cover for ulterior motives). One can speculate on the reasons for it, but that's the bottom line and reality.
3) In addition, they are naturally curious, communicative, intellectual, and exploratory by nature. There is a free-spirited uninhibited playfulness about them which you would have to experience to know what I mean. These are common traits I've noticed in a very high proportion of Russian women I've met.
4) They have a natural admiration for men, as long as he is good, decent, kind, and with good
character, rather than the deep rooted hatred for men that American women have influenced by their mothers, peers, and feminist media. Therefore, they bring out the best in a man, rather than the worst.
5) Some Russian women perceived me as rich and wealthy by their standards (even if I told them that I'm not).
6) Those that don't care about money still see me as an exotic and interesting novelty, or as a chance to practice their English with.
7) Finally, like I said earlier, there is a big surplus of attractive single women in Russia, and a shortage of good men who can treat a women right (which is inverse to the US). Therefore, a lot of nice single women who have trouble finding a good available man see me as a valuable find.
Some Russian women are friendly to me due to one of these factors, others are due to a combination of them. But as you can see above,
none of the reasons have to do with them being desperate to leave their country.
If you still doubt this, then ask yourself this. Who is more qualified to comment on whether Russian women are desperate to leave their country, someone like me who has been to 9 cities in Russia, traveled around there for 6 months, met hundreds of people and had lots of experiences, or the egocentric American who never goes abroad, gets his/her knowledge about Russia from the egocentric US media, and makes snap judgments about people there being desperate to leave?
(Remember the Saudi Arabia analogy above!)
The reasons I elaborated on obviously prove that this ignorant myth about desperate Russian women is wrong. I have been acquainted with many Russian women, and I can tell you that the majority of them do not act desperate or project those kind of vibes. They are simply sweeter, more modest, unspoiled, friendly, unparanoid, etc. and they do not have the self-righteous and arrogant tone that many American women (and sometimes men) have.
For example, you can notice the difference on the phone alone. When you call a typical young American girl for example, they give you an arrogant spoiled tone and attitude. You feel like an intruder who has to convince her that you're worth her time or else the conversation will be cut short. You get a flighty attitude that indirectly
says, "You'd better prove yourself to me or else I've got better things to do." To make things worse, they are interested in very few topics if any, are not naturally curious, have short attention
span, and do not like to think very much. Therefore, it's often hard to hold a normal conversation with them.
With Russian women on the other hand (and foreign women in general), it is very easy and natural to hold a conversation with them, even if they can't speak English. It is very natural and you don't feel like you have to convince them to hold their attention. They do not give you a
"prove yourself to me" kind of attitude. They are naturally curious and intellectual, and find even simple things you talk about to be interesting. And they are interested in a very wide range of subjects and topics. In addition, they often have a childlike sincere joy at hearing your voice when you call them like a child opening a Christmas present, which makes you feel very welcomed. You just feel so much more appreciated when you call them, and it lifts your spirits afterward. The tremendous difference in these little things says A LOT, in my opinion.
A final warning
By the way, I should warn you though, that once you go to Russia and experience what I'm talking about, you will NEVER get used to the way women are in America again. Ever. Seriously. They will seem so MASCULINE and MONSTROUS in comparison to the women you experienced in Russia and Eastern Europe. Something deep inside of you will change too, and you won't be the same person afterward. You have to experience it to truly understand what I mean.
As mentioned, since women in Russia have a natural admiration for men, picture this. Imagine being in an environment like Russia surrounded by women who admire men and bring out the best in you, getting used to that for 6 months, and then coming back home to be surrounded again by women who hate men, bringing out the worst in you. Then you'll better understand what I mean about how hard it is to get used to that.
Thanks for listening.
Get Winston's videos of his trips to
you the American male looking for the Russian wife?"
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Why Look for a Wife in Russia?
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Myths and Reality
There is too much prejudice towards
"Russian brides" - Russian women seeking men for marriage, both positive and negative. I call this
prejudice "myths", and consider them one by one.
Big Lies and Misconceptions About "Mail-Order Brides" - What
is true and what is not, in regard to so called "mail order
brides"? Who are the real "losers" - the men who seek
mail order brides or the ones who do NOT seek them?
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