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Dan (USA)

Q: I am divorced. Actually, I have been divorced 3 times. What is Russian women position about divorces? Will it hurt my chances with them dramatically?

Divorce in Russia is not considered as something one should be ashamed of. Most Russians marry early, in their early 20's, and at this age people are still forming and it often happens that they move in the opposite directions. As a result, divorces there are not rare. Being never married at the age of 30 is very unusual, and would raise eyebrows - it means, something is wrong with this person.

Russian women are surprised that many foreign men are never married in their 40's or even 50's. What is worrying them, it's if everything's alright with those men - mentally, physically and sexually. In Russia there is no problem for a man to marry if he wants to, and the fact that a man has not been married may be a sign of disorder.

So Russian women don't see anything wrong if a man is divorced. For them it's more natural when a divorced man says he is not happy with American (western) women, and this is the reason why he looks elsewhere. If you never been married, how do you know that you don't like western women's position towards marriage?

Of course, 3 divorces are something that can make a woman worried. So I would not recommend to tell about it in your first letter or personal ad. You can simply say that you are divorced, and this will satisfy women's curiosity. On the introduction stage she is not interested in your reasons for divorce or what your former wife was like. She is more interested in you as a person. She will seldom ask any questions about your previous marriage.

When you know each other better, you can tell her that you have been married 3 times before, but I would also advise to limit your information about previous marriages. This information cannot help you to build new relationship. Rather tell her which lessons you learnt from this experience - for example, you learnt to be more tolerant or that you never will be able to change another person if she does not want to change. No need to discuss unfaithfulness of your partner or how you were hurt by that because you loved her so much - most likely, your lady will feel somewhat intimidated. Or she will pity you - I don't think this is the type of feeling you want her to feel towards you.

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