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I wish I had read your comments three months ago. I did go to the Ukraine during December to meet with my so-called dream woman. She was not what I expected. All did not go for waste and I had experienced much about the country, its people and culture. We cannot judge a person based on a couple of pictures and letters in determining a soul mate. The biographies of the women are vague and it makes it difficult to select the right woman. Most of the time the letters are translated and become the letter of the interpreter. The answer is to write to a number of girls and arrange meetings with more than one. Your site is great and I will recommend it to my friends.

Nico, South Africa

Writing to several Russian women vs. writing to only one

Top question - June

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Q: I do not feel comfortable with the concept of writing to a few women at the same time. I believe it is better to select one, and concentrate all my attention and efforts on her. I think this is the best way to win her heart.

Basically all dating sites will recommend you to select a few women, and correspond with them simultaneously. Nevertheless, many men tend to select one woman and write only to her. Is it right or wrong?

Let's have a look WHY men decide to write to only 1 woman.

The main reason is that he BELIEVES that she is the right woman for him, and because he liked her picture/s. Pictures play the most important role in it. I have seen many letters written by men who say "I was swept off my feet by your beautiful picture" or something like this. Can one make a reliable opinion about a person's appearance based on her (very often) single picture - leave alone her personal qualities?

According to my experience, NO. Women select the best photos for publications. On many of them they look different than in normal life - not everyone dresses up and wears two-hours worth of make up every day! Some photos are just good shots, and sometimes it's hard to believe that a woman on the other photo is the same person. When an agency receives those selected photos, they in their turn select the best one or two pictures, basing their choice on what men want to see.

Going further, in most cases it's impossible to make an opinion about lady's personality basing on her photo. A person who looks kind, open and naive on her picture may be tyrannical and bossy in real life, and a woman who looks "mean" may be the most gentle and warm person you ever seen but she is afraid of camera. A lot depends on photographer. Usually photos made by the same master have many similarities - poses, make-up, even the expression of the eyes. I work with many local agencies, and some agencies always send sexy photos, the others - "soulful" photos, while third send pictures where women look very distant. It is because they use the same photographer for their shots, and not because all their women have the same type of personality.

It is also impossible to say that the woman is more traditional if she has more clothes on, or vice versa, more liberated if she shows her legs. Poses and clothes are also dictated by a photo-master - and sometimes the weather when the shot was made.

Nevertheless, men tend to make their minds about a woman basing on 1 or 2 photos they have seen on the Internet. They create her "dream image" in their minds, and stick to it. I have heard from many agencies that for the fist meeting with a man they advise their women  to have EXACTLY the same make-up, hairstyle and type of outfit as they had on their photos, otherwise men feel disappointed.

Regarding women's questionnaires. They are of course very formal, and many agencies don't even bother to include in the catalog all information that they received from a woman. Many do not inform visitors about ANY requirements that a woman has to a prospective partner. How would a man know if this woman will consider HIM as the right man for her? Even if he fits the requirements that are listed, she might have a couple more that she forgot/did not want to list, leave alone the personal things as appearance etc that can push her off.

In the meantime, a man falls in love with his "dream image". He comes back to this lady's profile day after day, week after week, and - eventually - decides to request her address, and write her a letter. He only buys 1 address. He writes in his letter how much did he like her picture and how beautiful she is, and that he only writes to her; he believes She is his Soul Mate and One-and-Only for him.

This is THE MOST STUPID THING one can write to a woman.

First of all, she is turned off by his stating "how beautiful she is". Russian and western understanding of the word "beautiful" are very different. While on the west it generally means "good-looking", in Russia "beautiful" means you at least have been chosen a beauty queen on a couple of occasions, or work as a photo model. (At first I did not feel comfortable when everybody here referred to me as "beautiful" while in Russia I only considered myself "attractive" - I would hesitate to use even "very attractive". Now I am getting used to the idea that I am beautiful but it took me nearly 2 years to come to terms with it.) So when he says her "You are so beautiful", she thinks he is mistaken about her appearance, and actually does not have the right impression of her. (And she knows she sent her best pictures and that she does not look like this every day.)

The second thing is his writing only to her. Some men probably think that saying to a woman they only write to her will help them to score in woman's eyes. This is absolutely wrong. Being a normal woman, which means being naturally practical, she cannot understand how a man can make a judgment about FUTURE WIFE based on a picture and short questionnaire. For women, men's falling in love with a picture sounds absolutely crazy. If you correspond only with her she will think you are a sucker - because women want something that is not easy to get, a difficult prey. To be happy they want something that is of value for other girls too, not something no one needs - "Lots of girls were after him, but he chose ME!"

Dating agencies advise one to correspond with a few women not because they are after numbers (want to sell you more addresses), or undervalue the importance of honesty. Of course one must be honest. Say honestly to a woman that you have other correspondents, too (she suspects so anyway) - so she will be eternally delighted when you eventually tell her that She is "One-and-Only" - she will know you are honest with her, as you were honest from the beginning about the other girls in your correspondence.

You will be surprised but saying that you have other correspondents as well can even INCREASE your chances! Because all other guys want to ensure her how much they liked Her and serious about Her - and the woman has her doubts if it's for real, because as we discussed earlier, she feels she does not correspond their image 100% (she definitely does not think she is "so beautiful").

If you have a few correspondents, and say you are serious about MARRIAGE and finding the RIGHT PARTNER, then she will see you are not a looser, that you are really serious and act accordingly. Because you cannot be sure she is THE ONE if you don't know her and just have seen a picture on the Net - or if you think you can, you are a dreamer in her eyes.

What is the best way to tell a woman that you have more than 1 correspondent?

I think it must be something like this: "I am now corresponding with a few ladies that I hope may be compatible with me. But only time will tell. So I can only hope we will be able to keep our correspondence - but in any case, if you or me decide we are not right for each other, then let's promise that we will let each other know. OK?"

What she gains from it is that you are: 

  1. Honest;
  2. Serious; 
  3. Know what you want and not a dreamer; 
  4. You respect her because you think she can choose somebody else too;
  5. If you are still writing to her, she may be confident you are still interested.

She will try hard to win you, because this is a challenging target that seems to be worthy of her efforts!!

So you must decide for yourself, if you want to pursue dreams or you want something for real. You can lock yourself into the cage of "dream image" or you can stay open to all opportunities. The decision is yours.

Last month Top FAQ:

Q: Whenever I tell somebody that I am corresponding with a woman from Russia, I hear in response "All they want is Green card". How I can be sure that the woman is really interested in me, and it's not just a scam for immigration purposes?

Click here for the answer


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