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Thank you for constructing such an informative site. I have read it from start to finish and learned a great deal. I began researching the possibilities of a foreign mate about a year ago. I have learned a lot, but still have much to learn. I have been writing letters for the last 6 months. However, I have not sent any. The process became one of self-discovery through which I have figured out a great deal about myself, gained some humility, and figured out who I am honestly looking for.

Steve (USA)

Effects of moving to USA for a Russian child

Top question - November

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Q: Many women on the various agency sites advertise the fact that they have a child or children. This may be a generalization, but I think it most probable the child or children would have little, or no comprehension of the English language. I am concerned that introducing a foreign child to a new country, and to what would invariably be a totally new and alien schooling system, is bound to have a detrimental effect on their educational and social development, due to a simple lack of understanding (at least in the short to medium term). I would be pleased  to hear your thoughts on this particular aspect.

The question you have raised is very important.

Yes, according to my research the majority of women looking for foreign contacts have a child (about 65%). You are right in your concern about the effect of moving to a foreign country with different culture, language and schooling system. In the short term it will have detrimental effect on a child's educational and social development, but in long term it will have positive effect on his personality and self-development.

I will explain why. The current conditions and life standards in Russia do not provide enough space for a person's emotional and physical growth. A child is  growing in the situation of total instability and permanent concern about the future, let along nutritional and environmental issues. I talk a lot about low self-esteem that is typical for people from the countries of the former Soviet Union, and as you know this does not help in personal development.

The other aspect is the Russian life style. Obeying the rules is not mandatory. Hard work and honesty cannot provide you even with sufficient life standards. To succeed in life one has to violate the rules because the rules are made like this. This has devastating effect on the personality and inner consistency.

Russian society is generally atheistic, because of 75-year gap in religious upbringing, and spreading belief in God is difficult due to anti-human realities of every-day life. It is doubtful if a child will grow up a good Christian, and have this internal steam that helps in the most difficult situations of our lives. Russians do not rely on God, and do not seek strength in Christian belief and morality, even though they state being Christians.

What kind of future can a child expect in Russia? Hopefully things will change there, but for now nor the state neither society need young people's brains and courage. This is a letter that was written by a 20-year-old girl from Ukraine. 

I live in Ukraine. I'm almost 20 years old. I love my beautiful homeland for its majestic culture, tradition, for the wealth of its soil. I'm trying loving my people too but. It is very difficult to see that my state does not need me and to understand that the government is not interested in the future of the young generation and in the providing of people with the most necessary things for maintaining the minimal living standard. Nobody cares for work, medicine, education. The people of my country can count only on their own abilities. The total anarchy reigns in Ukraine now. For the rest of the world the situation is justified by the words about "young developing state", "enhancement of economy", "slow introduction of the experience in the industrialization of highly-developed countries" etc. Actually all country's finances are controlled by the "shadow structures" or, in other words, by "mafia". There is no truth and order anywhere - in the jurisdiction, in the State Security Service, in the parliament. Our people are secluded and embittered now. The people are not growing friendly and united. They are not ready to help one another in difficult period. On the contrary, I notice more and more egoism and aggression in them. They are so unhappy in their disbelief, in their way of life without hope to light of future! Believe me, it is very difficult for me to describe that just a little part of reality concerning the life of the CIS states (The Commonwealth of Independent States). I feel utterly unprotected and nobody needs my personality in this society.

My trouble is that I want to use the time given to me by God not for thinking of my survival in search of means of existence, of solving everyday problems of life. And I want to be useful for people with all my heart. I wish to display my love for Good and Light of peace. And it means not just to help when my assistance is needed but to devote all my life for the sake of the mankind. My aspirations are usual and natural - to get education, have a job chosen by my heart and to direct the abilities only to the creation and strengthening of the Good. But could my dreams come true? No, they couldn't. My parents got divorced when I was 3 years old. My family is quite small - mummy and me. Mother having brought me up all by herself. Father never helped me... I finished school but I didn't carry on studying because I had no money. I Want to go to University (I dream about learning foreign languages), but I cannot afford it; I'd like to find a job and be able to pay for my study, but well paid job it's a luxury in Ukraine (the salary isn't even enough for a subsistence...). Only my belief in God, His Justice and Wisdom helps me to endure this state of things in my life and gives me relief at the moments when I am thinking of it. And in my childhood I was dreaming of devoting my life in the name of the Good and Creation...

How and what can I live in this country for? In the country that directs all forces to the annihilation of all good, pure, beautiful that is in a human being, in the country that doesn't need any person? I can't find the answer to this questions.

Therefore, I appeal to generous and warm-hearted person with request to find ANY work for me in your country. I agreed with any LEGAL and HONEST( not immoral) work. I promise I'll thank you for your help, my friend! I will give back 40% of my salaries during 6 months or if you have another suggestions we could discuss it. Just help me! 

This is a bit in contrary to what I said above about Christian values of Russian people, but exceptions just prove the rule right. The person who wrote the letter is special, it's why she wrote it. I don't think I can write any better describing the situation in the countries of the former Soviet Union. A child does not have a future there.

So bringing a foreign child to a western country will arouse some short-term problems for him during the adaptation period but in the long run a child will benefit of growing up in a Christian culture. The process of moving to another country (applying for a fiancee/spouse visa etc) is long enough, and if your fiancee has a child, she must use this time to teach him the language. There are many courses for children available, and 3-4-month course will provide the basic understanding of the language. Don't forget, children learn much easier and faster. Growing in quite a rough society, a child usually is be able to stand for himself and do not let other children to put him down. The younger the child, the easier the process of adaptation.

Last month Top FAQ:

Q: Reading your Myths and Reality, I was wondering what kind of myths Russian women might have about foreign men, particularly Americans. I think knowing about such myths would help to prevent cultural misunderstandings.

Click here for the answer


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